Bones' Perfect Specimen
by gawilliams
Summary: Bones has some fun at Booth's expense in the aftermath of catching him in the tub at the end of Season 3.


_When I wrote the new chapter to_ An End To Celibacy _the words Cam spoke about Junior being a "specimen" wrote themselves with little conscious thought. Upon reflection, I thought it would be fun to have that happen from Bones, but at another time entirely, specifically right after she barged into his bathroom with him in the tub at the end of season 3. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

 _A/N: There was a "guest" review on my story_ An End To Celibacy _where a guest wrote "Can't read anything where a man calls his penis "junior". Very unattractive." While I entirely respect your right to have such views, I would like to simply mention that it is not uncommon for men to say this, or other names, and that I choose to utilize this not only for humor, but also to get away from the staid and bland neutral terms like "member" that are commonly used to avoid, or not overuse, more vulgar terms. Thank you, though, for taking the time to let me know you thoughts on the subject. Gregg._

 _Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Bones came out of Booth's bathroom breathless. It had been magnificent! Incredible! Even beautiful! To imagine that she had had that near her all this time! Add to that the fact that she had actually bought into the whole Line talk that he was prone to give when they got too close. A slow smile curved her lips, a wistful, lust filled gaze on her face. She may be furious with him at the moment, despite knowing that what he said was true. He wouldn't have left him off any notification list. But that wasn't what was important. What she had seen was. It was time to make a change. Her grin turning into a sly one, she began putting her plan into action.

Booth looked down and cursed. Damn! His favorite issue of The Green Lantern comics was floating in the tub! Ruined now, beyond human ability to repair. Whatever Jack Ass didn't notify Bones that she was to be notified was in for one serious attitude adjustment! Maybe six months at McMurdo Station for some Arctic weather training? No, that was too lenient. Maybe some serious time with EOD in Afghanistan? A full 18 month tour, perhaps? Now _**that**_ was appropriate for this level of transgression. With, of course, the six months at McMurdo on the way home from Terror Central! The sleazebag responsible for this mess was going to learn that actions have serious consequences. And this action in particular was _**extremely**_ high on the list of serious _No Nos!_

Yep! The mood was ruined. He pulled off the Beer Hat and reverently placed it back on its spot on the shelf, after dumping the remains of the two cans of beer. He sighed as he put the comic in the trash. He'd have to spend a small mint to replace it, but it would be worth it. He needed his complete collection to remain _complete_ , after all. He got out of the tub and spent some time drying off and then worked on his hair. He was about ready to get a real chop job so that it wouldn't be so long as to have to do any styling. The rough, grunge look had some appeal, and maybe that would convince Bones that he could be just as Hot as her boy toys may be. He wasn't sure on that one since she had stopped letting him know who was who for her after he had done a few discreet background checks on her previous boy toys and found them lacking. Frankly nobody but himself would be up to snuff in his objective, unbiased, and most definitely humble opinion. Now he just had to convince _**her**_ of that. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the door open and marched into the living room.

"Bones!" he said and then stopped, unable to move a muscle, not even a twitch! His eyes had to be playing tricks on him. There was no way that Bones was sprawled across the couch in a damn sexy pose without a stitch of clothes on! Not a _STITCH!_ As in totally _OH MY GOD_ _ **NUDE**_ _!_ Good Lord was the Man Upstairs having a totally awesome day when he created Bones! Yep! Broke the mold after that one! Needless to say confession the next day was going to be very interesting.

Bones was enjoying the look on Booth's face right then. The shocked, aroused, totally focused expression on his face was what she had been hoping for. She had decided to really make it clear what she was after, despite her irrational anger of before, by presenting herself to him in the nude. Not a demure pose, though. She used the arm rest of the couch to angler her upper body, which was on its side for best effect with her half rolled back for a sexy, lolling look and she had her left leg bent at the knee, pulled back a but and raised, offering a view of her charms. She gave Booth a small pout. She may be socially awkward at times, but when it came to sex and sexuality she was an expert.

"I had hoped you would come out of there with only a towel loosely around your waist," she told him as she playfully rolled her left nipple between her thumb and forefinger, offering a slight moan at the sensations coursing through her from that.

Booth gulped once as he watched her. The definite stirrings in his pants told him that Junior was alive and well, thank you very much, but was chafing to get out and offer his important services to the party. "Wait right there," he said and zipped right back into the bathroom where he ripped off his clothes, grabbed the two empty beer cans from the trash can, stuffed them into the beer hat holders, put the beer hat on, and then loosely wrapped a towel around his waist. Within two minutes he was standing back in the living room, enjoying the view of his naked partner and letting his eyes roam and then focus on a central spot. That last was a demand from Junior, of course.

"That ridiculous hat must go, of course," Bones said with definite finality.

"But Bones!" Booth protested. "It's the Beer Hat!" He said it as if that explained it all and that she should be falling into line with awe and respect for such an important invention! No such luck, though.

"No getting rid of the Beer Hat, no pussy," Bones said, copying a line from a famous porn film she once saw. As she said it she lowered and straightened her left leg, covering from view a rather important piece of her anatomy.

"It's history, Bones," he told her as he ripped it from his head and tossed it back into the bathroom, Junior obviously controlling his actions. "It just figures she steals a line from one of the hottest scenes in porn history!" he muttered as he stood there as if on inspection.

"Much better," she purred, not having heard his muttering. She let her leg shift again, once more revealing her charms to his rapt gaze. "Come closer," she said, the purr still in her tone.

Booth moved to within two feet of the couch, feeling her eyes on him taking in every detail imaginable. He now knew what it felt like to have her complete and undivided attention. One part of him loved it. Yep. That would be Junior. The other part of him, the intellectual side, wasn't as sanguine about it. It made him feel like some piece of meat. If this was how women felt when men ogled them he was going to make sure he cooled it from then on.

"Like what you see, Bones?" he smirked as he continued to take in her concentrated stare, particularly at towel level! Junior was showing just what he was worth if the towel pitching forth was any indication, so all was well with Booth's world right then.

"Very much so," she told him, a hint of determination in her voice. She was quite aroused now, and wanted to enjoy the visual stimuli of Booth completely naked, with his near perfect cock on full display. "Remove the towel," she ordered firmly.

Booth could handle that one on his own without orders from Junior. He whipped the towel off with flourish, and stood there in all his glory. Well, Junior's glory, that is. He felt like strutting like a proud peacock what with Bones concentration on a fully revealed Junior. His excitement level rose exponentially as he watched her slide off the couch onto her knees in front of him. Oh Yes! This is what he'd been dreaming of since he'd met her! This was the payoff for all those Hail Mary's, Our Father's, and Rosaries he'd been saying as penance after Father Mitch meted them out in confession all the while calling him a sexual pervert and freak. Now it was time to bask in the glory. The _Promised Land_ was at hand! _Hallelujah_ and _**Open Sesame!**_ Time to prove to Bones that all those other slackers she'd been with really couldn't cut the mustard like her Boothy could! He was barely breathing when he felt her take him in hand, shifting him about as she got a close in detailed look. Like good old Randy West in that perfect porn movie _Miami Spice_ said, "It's lean, it's mean, it's a damn love machine!"

"It's the most perfect male specimen I've ever seen or felt," Bones said in an almost awed tone.

WHAT? _WHAT THE_ **HELL** _DID SHE JUST SAY?_ _**"SPECIMEN"?**_ Almost instantly Junior took an immediate nosedive! The flustered embarrassment had to be showing on Booth's face right then, but he had to clarify something real quick. He cleared his throat and then dove right in.

"Bones?" he said, his voice not really recognizable in the midst of such embarrassment. "Two things. No Squint speak when we are about to do the Nasty! It's a total buzz kill as you can clearly see! And second, Junior down there is not, never has been, and never will be a _**SPECIMEN!**_ He's a lean, mean, Love Machine, dammit! Not some science experiment in the lab."

Inside Bones was deeply amused. She knew full well that Booth had an aversion to science outside the lab. His strong negative reaction to her very logical worry about his sexual organ by his eating of non-organic foods was a case in point. A man should be flattered that a woman was concerned about his "plumage". That brought another mental chuckle as she wondered how he would react to having his penis compared to a male birds plumage. Likely not terribly well.

"A love machine?" she questioned. "I wouldn't know that yet."

"And he's lean and mean, too, Bones," Booth added, making sure that she got the description right. She'd obviously seen the movie, after all. Now if she would only work her magic things would be okay. As it was he felt like a freaking idiot standing there with Junior limp as a wet noodle! _Come on Boy! This is what we've been dreaming of all these years!_ he mentally scolded the errant appendage. This was worse than that hair trigger bullshit he'd suffered as a horn dog teenager! He made a mental note not to mention this in confession and for once be circumspect. There was _**no way**_ he was going to listen to Mitch call him a perverted freak with "performance issues"! A man could only put up with so much from his priest, after all!

Bones chuckled. Booth had obviously seen the same pornographic film she had enjoyed. Even flaccid he was _**very**_ impressive. She began slowly stroking him knowing she could coax him back to full erection. Whatever else may be said about her social skills, she was extremely confident in her sexual skills. Now she focused her full attention on all the details. Leaning forward slightly she inhaled his fresh, clean scent, enjoying the masculine soap he used, mixed with his natural masculine scent. The feel of him from base to head was superb, the veins adding texture to the silky smooth feel of his skin. The pulse of him was evident, and she felt the blood beginning to flow to where it would do the most good. He was firming up, and lengthening. She smiled up at him.

"Very good, Booth," she told him. She leaned forward and allowed herself the indulgence of laving her tongue around the head of his cock, adding taste to the collection of senses she was utilizing.

"That feels so good, Bones," Booth breathed a large sigh of relief and pleasure. Junior was _**finally**_ getting the message that it was time to perform to his usual extremely high standards and _**total**_ satisfaction of the recipient of his enthusiastic services!

"You have a choice, Booth," Bones said as she continued stroking him. "We can either have some fun here in the living room, or take this to the bedroom."

"Bedroom!" Booth said instantly. It may be quick and need some repeat performances to make sure that Bones was thoroughly on board for the long haul, but their first time was damn well going to be in the bedroom! Pops raised his Shrimp right, thank you very much. That and he still had memories of scrubbing the Cadillac with his tooth brush after Pops found him going at it full bore with a cheerleader in the back seat. Booth shuddered at the memory, and the excruciating "talk" that Pops had delivered afterward. Looking down he saw that Junior was back in the land of the living once more, thank God, so he was more than ready to deliver the performance of a lifetime!

Bones led the way, leading Booth by his prominent appendage, lightly squeezing and releasing as they walked along. She laid him down on the bed and straddled his med-section, running her slit along his length, moaning in pleasure as the friction increased on her clit with the motion. His hard length felt wonderful, and she knew he would feel so much better inside of her.

"I am quite surprised, Booth," she said in a husky tone of voice.

Booth was barely coherent as the entire focus of his addled brain was on the feel of her on Junior. He had to admit that his fantasies had nothing on the reality of this moment. "Yeah?" he managed to squeak out.

She knew it was cruel. She knew it would delay the exquisite pleasure of their coupling, but she couldn't resist. It was the scientist in her. She had to see if it would happen again. Everything needed to be tested and examined in order to develop not just an initial, but a working hypothesis that would graduate into a full blown theory. She mentally apologized to Booth, but she knew that with her right here with him in his bed naked that he would forgive her.

"Yes," she continued, successfully hiding her inner grin. "This is by far the most satisfying sexual experience with the Male Specimen I have ever had, and we have not even engaged in coitus yet."

Booth's eyes shot open and he gave her a horrified look. Then he groaned in further horror. It had happened again! Unbelievable! All it took was Squint Speak in bed and Junior was worthless! His mouth opened and closed with now sounds emerging.

"NOW we can proceed and do this correctly," Bones continued, shifting her hips to begin the pleasurable experience of bringing him to erection once more. This time, though, she would be serious and forgo all scientific terminology. But she couldn't resit one more subtle jab. She leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "And after you show me how mind blowing a lover you are, we can discuss the need for an organic diet for you," she told him.

 _A/N: I chose to leave it there and let the reader imagine the makeup sex once he figures out she was simply yanking his chain. I hope you all enjoyed this one. I am enjoying my foray back into writing fanfic, and the response has been very gratifying. Gregg._


End file.
